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Post by Coach on Nov 13, 2007 9:18:47 GMT -5
I've had a hard time sleeping at night since I decided to use a stack of Totinos pepperoni pizzas as a pillow. I thought it would be a good idea since it would cut down on the number of trips to the fridge. I got the idea from the saying "cooler than the other side of your pillow". This way both sides of the pillow are cool.
I figured I could heat the pizzas by sticking them under the covers and hot boxing them. Alas, the smell of the pizzas under my head keeps me awake and has actually caused me to have to add a snack before my pre-snack, which comes 5 minutes before my gift to myself for having willpower at 3 am snack.
I was really worried this morning when I noticed my pet turtle had a thick green fungus all over it. I started to cry loudly. Then my mom came in and told me my turtle was actually a chia pet and was not real. I feel better now, I was planning on bettering myself by becoming a professional turtle trainer and since my turtle was not responding to my commands, this was causing me to doubt my skills and my career choice. I'm back on track now. I should be out of my moms house and off welfare just before I turn 60.
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Post by texiban001 on Nov 13, 2007 9:33:11 GMT -5
I woke up this morning and got depressed because all i had to eat was Special K cereal. I wanted Count Chocula but the box was empty. Then to top things off, I went to get the milk to pour over some chocolate chip cookies that were stale from being beneath the couch cushions and all I had was 2% milk! What a way to start a morning! ;D
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Post by texiban001 on Nov 13, 2007 9:35:04 GMT -5
Sorry to hear about your pet turtle. I was going to be a turtle wrangler myself but I heard that being a goat milker paid better! ;D
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Post by Coach on Nov 13, 2007 9:42:44 GMT -5
Sorry to hear about your pet turtle. I was going to be a turtle wrangler myself but I heard that being a goat milker paid better! ;D Really? This turtle wranglin isn't set in stone. What's the going pay rate for goat milkers? I may have to look in to it. The thing with turtle wranglin is that they are so small, you don't even have to get out of bed to do it.
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Post by Coach on Nov 13, 2007 10:13:59 GMT -5
Chicks dig me! Just the other day, the waitress at Denny's had to shovel my a$$ out of the booth and in to a wheelbarrow to help me leave. That's love, man!!! Don't get jealous.
I've been sending Britney Spears cookies and candy. I'm hoping she will get fat enough to get her self esteem low enough to do me or maybe just low enough to post at Speedy's. I figure about 250 more candy bars and I'm tapping that ho.
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Post by texiban001 on Nov 13, 2007 10:46:28 GMT -5
You forgot to send her Starbucks' latte's? She will never do you if you forget that. You also need to send her some Red Bull and Cheetos! ;D That'll do the trick!
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Post by texiban001 on Nov 13, 2007 17:07:00 GMT -5
Just got finished taking a dump. Man! Those corndogs really make you feel down because now I'm afraid that I will not be able to play Grand Theft Auto tonight because I might have to take another Speedy. I'm also going to be very depressed if I can't find the remote so I can turn on the TV to watch "Dancing with the Stars".(Marie Osmond is hot!) Do you know what "Remote Control Deprivation" can do to you? It can cause major blood pressure rises becasue you might not be able to switch from Larry King to Ellen. That just makes me so angry!
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Post by Ken on Nov 14, 2007 8:27:23 GMT -5
Forget this life of constant auditions and rejection....I think I'll go take out my savings and buy a Wii, an X-Box 360, and a Playstation 3. I'll buy tons of porn and twinkies and barricade the doors of my house by stacking old newspapers 6 foot high and three deep. My only connection to the outside world will be MySpace and reruns of the Simpsons after the late news.
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Post by Coach on Nov 14, 2007 8:59:55 GMT -5
Things are getting serious with my latest love interest, Debbie. My family and friends keep telling me she is no good for me. They don't like her because they say she's the devil and I also think because she is black. I tell them that it is what is on the inside that they don't see, that makes Debbie so special for me. On the inside, Debbie is oh so sweet.
I spend hours thinking of Debbie and yearn to keep her by my side. I can't wait for my lips to touch her again.
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Post by Coach on Nov 14, 2007 9:03:38 GMT -5
I forgot to post her picture.
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Post by texiban001 on Nov 15, 2007 12:21:01 GMT -5
I'd be willing to bet that this guy talks to himself all day as well! I'll bet he has an imaginary friend!
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Post by Coach on Nov 15, 2007 14:24:59 GMT -5
I'm having a hard time breathing when I lie down. I think I have lung cancer or emphysema or maybe it's just my 56DDD man titties crushing my lungs.
I like spending my time on Speedy's forum. There are people more f**ked up than me there and that makes me feel better.
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Post by texiban001 on Nov 15, 2007 14:33:02 GMT -5
Today I'm having a really hard time concentrating. I don't know if it is because I'm taking too many fries with my ho-ho's or not enough Pepsi..man it's getting cold. Maybe I am having a near death experience because my arteries are clogged with red meat or maybe it's because I'm sitting beneath the ceiling fan and I can't find the remote to turn it off! ;D
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Post by Coach on Nov 15, 2007 14:47:37 GMT -5
My family reunion is coming up soon and we always go to 5 star restaurant. We have to chose a new restaurant this year. We got banned from Ci Ci's Pizza last year. Ci Ci's told us that we caused them to lose 3 month's worth of profit on our last visit there.
I don't know why people use plates at Ci Ci's. You don't have to make as many trips to the buffet if you just stack the pizza on your tray.
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Post by texiban001 on Nov 15, 2007 14:51:05 GMT -5
But if you do that you won't get any exercise! Oh...wait a minute... NOW I get it! HAHA stupid me! Who wants to exercise? Maybe they will get those little scooters so you can get around the buffet line even quicker so that you can make more trips!
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